A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
