took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Randomize
