I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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