I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
