He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
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