Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
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