Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
