he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
