So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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