But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Im part way to drunk.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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