Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
