i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Randomize