Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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