She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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