I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
