M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Best friends brother. Beat that.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
