Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize