im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Randomize
