She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
