I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
