worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
