Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
