She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
