and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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