If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
