she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
you inspire me to be a worse person
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize