And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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