Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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