Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
