he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
