I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I wish i was in the wii world.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
