Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
