He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
