I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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