after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
