u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
