FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
