you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
