State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
