i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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