she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
