When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
