your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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