We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I just found a bag of teeth...
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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