break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Sorry about my life...
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
