You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
