"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
