why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
