matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
