i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
