youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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