i may or may not be watching the land before time
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
