I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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