I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
