he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
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