I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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