Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Randomize
