There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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