I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
