im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
