I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize
