Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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