Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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