New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
