How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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