some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Randomize
