Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I think I won the penis lottery.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
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